6. Legal Smeagol
(Privacy & Cookie Policies)


Once upon a time, Blind Cupid came to us, not as-energy, but in-the-flesh. It flew-up from Earth – with neither oxygen tanks, nor an insulation suit, nor a helmet. Once inside the Spaceship, we all gathered around It, on the Control Deck – which had become something of a Lounge. I had Prayed for this Visit.

This time, I´d got myself in-a-tangle looking at Privacy Policy and Cookie Policy Templates for the website. Despite my identical twin brother, Captain Taikán, patiently unpicking ´caveat emptors´ and ´force majeures´ for me – I couldn´t make head or tail of them. I felt like a fish in a net of words – or a leg, trapped in a fishnet stocking.

Blind Cupid had placed its quiver and arrows on one of the sofas; and was sitting with its back to the front windscreen, crosslegged at the centre of the Control Deck floor. Its five-metre-high (when standing) Giant Orange Monkey body glowed orange; its little wings fluttered in The Creativity´s gentle air-conditioning; its Joy was dazzling – its White Eyes were both frightening and transporting.

Captain Mary served Blind Cupid English Breakfast Tea from Sri Lanka, and Laddus from London. Captain Kay cracked jokes, shyly – in Giaoram (the ancient language of the Giant Orange Monkeys). Captain Omar, who usually felt like a giant among dwarves, felt unusually comfortable in the warm, mystic glow of this Mammoth of a Monkey – and remembered memories of Being Little, surrounded by the exceptionally bulky adults of the Marley Clan; long-ago – long before Becoming Big, and a Captain in the Ethiopian Army.

Captain Taikán was sat at my side, and nudged me affectionately. His nudge said “come on – you prayed for this visit”. But Captain Lotus was asking Blind Cupid – bravely, I thought – whether It agreed with her theory of Civilisational Health being proportionate to a Civilisation´s capacity for Loving Touch. “Come here, Lotus!” Blind Cupid said, extending its arms… And Blind Cupid hugged-with Lotus for a-good-while; until she sat alone again, and I looked into Her Eyes – and saw they were sparkling like strawberries in the sunlight; intoxicated with Blind Cupid´s love ´n´ light.


And so-it-was that, eventually, bravery called me too – and I asked for help. I said “dearmost Blind Cupid – as you know, I have been studying Privacy and Cookie Policies for the website; and as you know, I am floundering! Blind Cupid – I feel like a netted fish, all caught-up in word ropes…

“Oh dear!” Blind Cupid exclaimed, wryly “The Great Mechanical Law Monsters are back!” And as It said That – instantly – I KNEW… I was infused with Knowledge… my consciousness expanded… I SAW: Terms and Conditions, Privacy Polices, Cookies Policies – it was all The Same Shit! And I say this colloquially-only – because faeces are compostable, and generative.

“Valery, Darling – they got you, in-the-end!” Blind Cupid grinned.

“But it´s illegal to not have a Privacy Policy, Blind Cupid! It´s illegal to Just Trust in Love!” I said, with a slight whine – as-if not quite Convinced of this Revolution. 

“Legal Smeagol!” exclaimed Blind Cupid, in a Jewish accent, with the sweeping confidence of a Gandalf… “Let´s look at Legality, and let´s look at Love” it then proposed – to me, and to Us All. And we all huddled closer.

“Legality seems to have such Authority among you, and Love – so Little! What differentiation and invasion, what discrimination and persecution; what atrocity ever committed; what massacre, what holocaust, what genocide – was not, and is not, legal in the minds of its perpetrators? And yet, still – such Respect for the Law! Meanwhile – Love is seen among-you as something vague, romantic, idealistic, mystical-even – when, in actual fact, it is a scientifically observable phenomenon…”

As Blind Cupid spoke, I looked-through the Blindness in its Eyes, to the Pure Beauty within-it. Its words, for me, were Pure Clarity – yet it was That Beauty Within-It that had blown my world away; and Returned me to Myself, and Everything – and by which I had asked Kay to set the course of The Creativity…

I looked-around, at the Other Captains – at Taikán, at Omar, at Kay and Mary and Lotus; each entranced in Their Own Way – and it occurred to me that we´d become extensions of Blind Cupid – like petals on a flower. And I thought, tenderly “may it be so!”   

“Love is the State of Being, into which one slips quite naturally, by Living in Subjectivity and Equality”  Blind Cupid explained, casually. “This is universally observable, and reproducible – and thus, in the strictest sense: Scientific Fact!” it exclaimed, excitedly. Then raising the Mug of Tea that Captain Mary had given It, Blind Cupid proposed a toast: “Let´s Let Love, not Lawmaking be our Authority!” “To the Authority of Love!” Taikán proclaimed – and we raised Our Mugs gladly to our servitude.


“Let me tell you a story about Your Jesus” said Blind Cupid, mischievously “preserved in the Annals of the nomadic Saharan Giant Orange Monkey Tribe…

It begins on a balmy Sunday in Spring, with Palestine in flower – and Jesus smashing-up the stalls of the marketeers who´d set up shop in (what he called) His Dad´s Place. Although censored-out of your Official Bibles: Jesus was actually arrested, by the Jerusalem Metropolitan Police, on several accounts of Illegal Behaviour – not least-of all: the destruction of private property, and disrupting the peace…

Because Jesus had unpaid Donkey Parking Fines, and, whatsmore, had constructed (with Joseph, his stepdad) a barn extension – illegally (that is to say, without Planning Permission) – the Keepers of the Law were not lenient… And since, at that time, there was a wine shortage – they sentenced Jesus to forty days and nights of water-to-wine making Community Service…

As Jesus laboured, day after day, night after night, watering-into-wine – a brawl broke out among a Bunch of Believers, and a Bunch of Unbelievers… “The Law is the Way!” the Unbelievers shouted, as they  kicked and punched. “Love is the Way!” shouted the Believers, as they kicked and punched back.  “Ask Jesus what he thinks!” screeched a (now-extinct) Arabian Ostrich. At least, that was what Everyone Heard.

“The Law is not The Way” said Jesus, soberly, “but Neither is Love”. The drunken brawlers, swaying as they stood, put their arms around Each Other´s shoulders to steady themselves… “So aren´t we right then?” slurred a Believer. “The Way has no Opposite” said Jesus, enigmatically. And truly, let it be said, for thus it was: that – though they were all too drunk to understand; the brawl now seemed irrelevant – and the line of linked shoulders became a circle, and that circle began to turn – and it seemed to matter no-longer, what beliefs your dancing partners held – as Everyone span together, in Oppositionless Ecstasy; drunk on vintageless Divine Wine”.

Captain Mary arose, at that point, from the Control Deck floor; looked-upon our mugs disapprovingly – and turned them into wineglasses. She then popped over to her Carpet Bag, popped it open, popped out a Bottle of Rosy Red Wine; popped it open – and popped some into Everyone´s Glass. “There” she said, primly “that´s much more satisfactory!” “Another Toast?” suggested Blind Cupid. “To Divine Wine!” Taikán called-out – drunk already, psychosomatically – on the thought of drinking. “To Divine Wine!” we all called-back, happy to sacrifice All Understanding.

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