4. Written Upon My Lips
(Terms & Conditions)

I

Blind Cupid had asked me to publish the HanuHanu Gita. I´d resigned as Head Dinner Lady at the Cafeteria of the OmEgo Hardcore Meditation Hotel. I´d created Auntie Val Publishing. I´d bought The Creativity, gathered a crew1 – and set to it…

I was aware we needed a website. And that it would need Terms and Conditions, a Privacy Policy, a Cookies Policy, and so on… But after those conversations on the legalities of publishing – ending with the Cosmic Monkey Muse snarling-at-me for asking about copyrighting – I felt a little nervous about approaching Blind Cupid again…

II

Then once upon a time – one silent evening in Outer Space, as we chilled among the stars, I dozed-off while studying Templates of Terms and Conditions. The Creativity´s lighting system knew I was now asleep, and dimmed itself, considerately. Nevertheless, my dreams were a nightmare: “we can make a legally enforceable agreement without further reference to you!” shouted a voice like a machine-gun; “you MUST read these terms and conditions” another voice fired-back. All around me, Great Threatening Mechanical Law Monsters attacked Each Other with clauses and subclauses…

“Hello, Val! You OK?” enquired a sweet, soft voice. Yes – Blind Cupid had slid into my dream! It took my tiny Human Hand in its own, and together, we walked-in-peace among the Warring Mechanical Law Monsters. “By ordering any of our Goods, you AGREE to be BOUND by these terms and conditions” yelled one monster, swashbucklingly, at another – igniting the wick of a medieval canon. “By ordering any of our Services, YOU agree to be bound by THESE terms and conditions” retorted another – releasing an altogether-more-modern swarm of tiny target-locked missile drones.

Then, as happens in dreams, we were suddenly in a forest. The Law Monsters were-no-more, and I sensed there were Giant Orange Monkeys in the undergrowth. Was this the HanuHanu Tribe Estate? Blind Cupid lifted me up, and sat me on a branch, so that we could look into Each Other´s Eyes without both getting cramps in our necks…

III

As I looked-into Blind Cupid´s Eyes I felt the Universe Smiling, admiringly, at me. And My Eyes smiled back. “Auntie Val” Blind Cupid whispered, “Terms and Conditions are not our-way. You can feel it. That´s why you´re dreaming this!” “The language is so violent” I whispered-back, as-if afraid to wake myself, “and heartless! And complicated!” “The heart is so simple” said Blind Cupid. “Yes, yes” I nodded – and almost woke up.

The Creativity´s lighting system thought I´d awoken, and turned-up the lights, slowly. Actually, I wasn´t quite-awake – and yet: I was writing. This:

“The intentions of HanuHanu.Org are:
– to give away the HanuHanu Gita Ebook for free,
– to sell the HanuHanu Gita Paperback – at cost of printing, package and post,
(and, through the blog, in consultation with Blind Cupid and HanuHanu Himself)
– to offer the sobering realism and softening kindness of the Giant Orange Monkeys, to a Masked, Plandemicised Humanity.”

I was still half-asleep… One half-of-me remained-perched on a branch in a forest, Blind Cupid holding my hand – much as you-or-I might hold the hand of a baby. The other half-of-me was in my Cabin, watching my pen jot notes about Intentions, rather-than Conditions. In my Dream Forest, Blind Cupid said “these are wonderful intentions, Valery. To them, let us add – another, more profound Level of Intent…” And in my Cabin on The Creativity, I watched as my pen – as if being-danced by Spirit at a Seance – wrote this: 

“HanuHanu.org is a website. It has no Intentions. But I, Auntie Val (Head Dinner Lady, retired), and Taikán, Mary, Lotus, Kay and Omar (the Crew of The Creativity) share these Intentions:
– to each stay in our Own Unique Experience.
– to thus be-returned to Our Belonging.
– to Set our Ship on-course, towards our (aforementioned list of) Intentions – but keep an Eye
  on the Radar Screen – ready to adjust course, if need be. You never know what´s coming next!”

“Thank you!” I said quietly. And then I remembered – YOU! And my heart wrote this: “My Darlings – for me, The HanuHanu Gita is a Gift – from HanuHanu and the Giant Orange Monkeys, to Us – to Humanity. A Gift of Love, in fact. And HanuHanu.org is the Bearer of this Gift of Love…

Does this Loving Giving need to be legislated? Does a True Lover say “before you kiss me – please read the Terms and Conditions written upon my lips”? Of course not! That´s only for Fake Lovers who have Plans for Each Other!

IV

Still, somehow, somewhere in the distance, inside my head, I could still hear the Mechanical Law Monsters ranting… “You MUST specify your Returns Policy” they were insisting. “OK” I said to them,  and I made a concession… “Here” I said, and I wrote ´if anyone buys the HanuHanu Gita, and has a change of heart, I promise to give them their money back´.

“Yes, yes” the Law Monsters mumbled-on, unappreciatively “but it must be returned undamaged.” “Oh, Shut Up!” I said, a little impatiently, I admit. I was getting Fed up with their unappeasable Fear. “But, but, but – HanuHanu.org is subject to the jurisdiction of which Nation´s Legal System?” they now mumbled – regardless, relentless. “HanuHanu.org does not operate ´under´ the Law of Any Country” my pen wrote, boldly now, “it will, however, co-operate with National Laws – unless, of course, those laws contravene the principles of equality and mutual respect.”   

And at that point I put my pen down – and I put my foot down. “Warring Mechanical Law Monsters” I said firmly, kindly “you cannot protect yourselves from the Infinite Possible Hostilities of the Universe – so chill!” And, to be fair to Them: since-then, they have been quiet – as-if all they´d ever-wanted was the Safety of a Coherent Universe; and Let Go of Universal Lawmaking; and put down their canons, and missile drones, and bullets of words – and come to accept the Coherence of the Heart.

My Darlings, let me end by saying this: you can expect – from me, and from All of the Crew here on the Creativity – a degree of integrity and kindness to which ´the consumer of products and services´ might not be accustomed.

  1. There are six of us, including me. The Creativity is Our Home – and, in that sense, we are A Family. The Creativity is also the Office of Auntie Val Publishing, and HanuHanu.org – and, in that sense, we are A Team. I feel Great Gratitude towards them all – as I feel they all do, towards me…

  And so…

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